Most of the time when asked how I am, I can get away with one of the more traditional responses such as: “fine”, “good” or “go ask your mom”; but over the past couple of months I’ve been fortunate enough to be asked this question in one form or another by people who know me well enough to see through such attempts at deflection.
We should all be fortunate enough to have close people in our lives that keep us honest.
|Maybe not this honest.|
So, this is for you. The old teammates, roommates, bandmates, clinicians, co-conspirators, co-defendants, codependent co-ed classmates, ex-girlfriends, and asshole military buddies that have all recently made the same grievous error in judgement by asking the same question my
- I’m in the process of moving to a new apartment. It’s larger and is the next logical step toward my housing goals. On the flip-side, it means leaving the place that I’ve lived for the longest consecutive time in my entire life. See, my silly monkey-brain wants to correlate geography with the success I’ve had over the past few years; a concept that couldn’t be further from the truth. I lived in this apartment for years with nothing but turmoil until I gained access to the mental health care that I desperately needed. Now I’m just going to miss the view. I’m not joking. Seriously. At all.
- I have set an intention to advocate for the modern medical treatments that led to my success in recovery. While sharing anything that could help people in their recovery sounds like an easy decision, it is absolutely guaranteed to enrage a large group of people, which isn't my intention.
- I recently got back on the mat for the first time in over a decade.
- This may have been a mistake.
- I’m also entering my 10th consecutive term as an undergrad. I’ll get into this lunacy in a later post.
- The business side of SD has been worked on from day one, but for the last year I was stuck in that awful “as soon as everything is perfectly organized, we’ll go live...” stage of creation.
- Fortunately, the amazingly talented entrepreneur and author Chris Guillebeau used just the right method (friendly sarcasm) to get the point through to me that I already had everything I needed. "RH" goes live on March 31st next year!
- Finally, I recently committed to the life-changing decision to finish my B.S. - then apply to grad school - at PSU, instead of pursuing a nursing degree at OHSU. More importantly, I went from being terrified about sharing my doubts around a career in nursing with people, to setting an intention and changing my path without much regard to how others would feel about it.
Turning my view to the past, it becomes overwhelmingly obvious that I have friends and colleagues going back decades who saw me drop off the map without a word. I wish I could say that I’ve broken the pattern of disappearing when stressed. What I will say is that I’ll never stop trying to improve communication with my friends and family. Luckily they seem to possess infinite patience and compassion.
After the Army, I returned to Michigan where I eventually returned to work in law enforcement and security operations. First for a Fortune 15 Company’s Risk Management Department, then eventually returning to contract HUMINT work on an OGA task force. I spent several years working under both official and non-official cover, A situation which I used to minimize attention around some unhealthy coping mechanisms and mental health issues.
|Also known as: "Irish Therapy".|
Following a particularly nasty event, the personal identities of several members of the task force were released by an extremely incompetent federal magistrate, resulting in many of us receiving several credible death threats. More disturbing though, was the actual damage done to several ongoing investigations. People with badges went to jail.